An Update: The Art of Reading

           Reading is difficult. Without an proper goal, method nor standard to anchor up, reading is difficult. You read differently than me and I read differently than him. All the while you received the message of impending doom as I foresaw the coming of a new age, reading is difficult.  To digest and redigest the words on those pages, like the regurgitating calf slowly retaste the grass in it's rumen, reading is difficult.
           It's difficult in two ways, the process and the intention or the goal, the point, the ending line. Reading takes time, and time runs on patience, while patience decreases over time. Therefore, reading runs a limited spectrum which does not last long. For some, it is ever so short. Then comes the questions as to how do you read if you are ever so easily distracted? You can't. It's that simple. The slow pain staking process is a instant kill for many people. For too many, I would say. Thus, the victims of distraction and low patience can not read. Reading is difficult.
           Second, the more troubling reason, is the motive behind reading. WHY do you read? Is for the sake of reading or for the sake of love of reading. Those are two different things.   What do you get is different. One is an experience while another is a result. One is the immediate message of the book while another is a imprinted memory. WHY do you read? WHAT do you read? These are the question that clutch on to my mind as I flipped open a book and I do not find the answer until the last word is read.

Maybe I think too much after all.

Thanks for reading this.

Coming Home Again!

Last night, we had a fight
Nobody knows then whose alive
All I saw was your teary eyes
Chaging shapes as I walk out

Now I am trying to find a place
Noboday told me how hard it taste
All the things i never dreamed to take
Is in my pocket today

I have a question buring on my mind
Where am I going, what am I going to find
Did I really miss my home
Or Ma, I am sick of being alone

Chorus
But now I have anew found Grace
It;s never to late
To come back today

All the battles I have lost or won
Left me on the street yet again
Fame and Wealth is the weirdest game
No matter how much you won, you never gain

Let's go home
Let's go home
Let's go home
Let's go home

All the things I thought I lost
In the end it melt like frost
And all along my place was known
To be with you and come back home


This is the my first try at writting a more rap lyrics. Tell me what you think, and I am thankful of whoever reads this blog and though it kind of sucks, I am going to make it better.

Sweet folly

Where the road ends
May you pick up
The line is tangled
Long and interwined

I can hear the drops
Is it worth shouting?
Take the narrower road.
To find what's longing

Chorus
I fell through my folly
but found something more


Now I am coming down
Coming down

I watch the introduction
Hour before the sun
Just dive straight down
To live onces more

Take my hands,
Make our own trailes
So we find the grace
in the last pile

I heard enough talking
I remember your prayer
So we go forth
You are with me, aren't you

An Update 8: Hold on a second

A rejection letter from University Chicago. At least one down, still nine to go. This is the time when college put you on a piece of paper and make you question your self worth. Even better, friends already got accepted into their college. Now, this is just tiring. This game is to hard to play with too much on the line.
But no, I am not going to put my self worth on the line, as wage to applying to those college. I know this, that everyone applied there must put something of their as the ticket. No matter that's a childhood dream or reputation. But it is not worth it. There are no college that deserves such treatment. This is not a loser's speech. This is a realization of self worth. For we are all uqiue.
However, congrats to the people who got in Univeristy of Chicago or MIT, for their dreams will be realized and become true. But who do you with your life is in your hands, not the insitution's. Not all the president went to Harvar. Ronald Regen went Eurka College; Obama initially went to Occidental College. Where you go to Undergraduate doesn't matters, what do you do there matters.

An Update 7: Time is passing slowly

Ah, is almost that time of the year already; more specifically, that part of life already. I have about 11 days until I receive that dreading message of college acceptance letter, for better or for worse. Actually, for worse, there are already many people accepted into their dream college, including MIT and Williams and Amherst. No. I am happy for them yet want to level with them. But how fragile is my little hope dangling around the edge my insanity. The power which I have right now is not enough for the torturing days to come. This is the time where I know how little of faith I have. In God and in myself; more in God right now, since my feeble efforts did its best couple of month ago when I applied to those colleges. The itching feeling I have scratches my fingers every morning when I type in my email address is growing stronger. How little faith I have. The irrtating monsetrosity dares to take me apart. How little faith I have. Why couldn't I have the songs of serpent liquify and poison me, into a deep coma which I will awake 13 days later. How, little, how small, and how fragile my faith is.
Not for a while have I rest again. rest on the greens and the blues. God, take my yoke from me and free me from the ever slow time. That's my faith now, enough to let it go and trust in him. How little faith I have.

An Update 6: Infinite circle

Such depressing stories for a friday. Such an horrible earth quakes for Japan. By coincidence or not, I almost witnessed two devasting events that happend to Japan. One is the BBC documentary regarding the nuclear bombing in 1945, another with the earthquake. The feeling has been mingled and failed, and my mind started to spin, like any other odd self depercating patheic human being, I resorted to thinking.
It begin with the Hiroshima and Nagasake, the most over used and precise question arises and asked:" was it justified." And so does the puzzle begin. It may never be justified, for the people of Hiroshima and Nagasake was annilated, completed crushed as we witnessed what was the finest and quickest killing machine that human being ever invented yet opened its jaws. It was only a couple seconds until there was Hiroshima and Nagaske no more, still the radiation spreaded, and cuts into people's hearts and stayed there.
But it was justified. The emperor of Japan and army would not surrender and the allies was prepared for a full scale invasion that will cost millions of casualities and many more on the Japanese. If we become so heartless and compare the sheer of number of lives the bomb "saved." We maybe at GAIN. If we are only so heartless. But we can not compare lives to lives, one human being's worth to another. The bomb might really saved millions of people of lives, but it destroyed many others.
So blame it on Japan's emperor for refusal to surrender, blame it on U.S. for dropping the bomb. You know what, let's blame it on the war. Well, the war started with Hitler, let's blame him. Hitler just wanted power, so blame the inperfect human conditions and faults we have. Then it goes on to what shaped us and how it shaped us as human beings, so blame society. Now it became a endless vortex that questions our existence and cause of suffering. Then Japan was crushed under the earthquake, the circle never ends.

Now the heads has been filled with ever so pessmistic thoughts and yet I did not lose it. I am still hopeful. I pray for Japan and it's people to deal with earthquakes, I pray for the lives of many others. Under the dire conditions that we have here on earth, I only can hope that we do not waste any second of our lives which seemed so fragile. I guess, prayer, is the best I can do right now.

The House

Days has been good
Those people has been treating me well
I breath easy under the sun
Here I say love, remember the house

Chorus
Next to the river, over the mounts,
The place when we hide under the rain
Old house was crumbling

I have the homesick
Drink a little water to write to you,
Over the wall as if
I can see you working on the house

No need to worry
I am fine and I hope you are well
Just sent me pictures
So I can see you smile and that's all

Days have been raining
Recalls me to when we first saw
The house, it stood
Under the rain over the mounts